Fuck Bush

My heart is battered. First from hope and enthusiasm, exuberance even, pride to cast my vote and gratification to see that Virginia, the bastion of conservatism, was too close to call for a long time. I took heart that the count was so close and read it to be a sign that Kerry had as much of a chance as I believed, after watching the debates and the Daily Show for the past 6 months. After the Muslims endorsed him, after even my neighborhood of military families began putting up Kerry/Edwards signs. In fact the only Bush/Cheney sign in my neighborhood is on Bush's brother's front lawn.

I was so happy to live in a country where I could vote, where everyone around me in the poll line looked different, worked in different places, spoke different languages, where no one tried to intimidate me or threaten to kill me, where everything was..by the book. This feeling ebbed as I read about irregularities in Ohio and Florida. The fact that lines were long everywhere, people stood in line for up to four hours just to have their vote count..it was amazing. The amount of "I Voted" stickers I saw around DC, in the metro, in the office, in class...I felt a bond, a mutual tie with everyone and we could smile at each other and hope for a better tomorrow. It didn't even matter to me who they voted for at that point--the fact that we exercised our civic duty proved this nation's greatness.

The day's excitement began to fade as the polls came in around 10 pm and Kerry's electoral votes remained stagnant. I couldn't even watch the Daily Show because we lost our cable...damn the man. I tried watching it online and then Sadaf's computer died. I went over to Pat's but couldn't pull myself away from CNN, as everyone around me drowned their anxiety in large glasses of beer. It was mesmerizing, the idiocy of the anchors, the map, the blue and red and purple. We were all on our laptops checking the different networks for their counts. BBC was the most aggressive in according votes to Bush. The most of us who voted Democrat couldn't believe it. Wait until Ohio. Wait until Michigan, wait until New Mexico......hope refused to die. Finally at midnight I saw the writing on the wall and was overcome with a rage.

I told Shea and Will that I wanted to see their republican asses dead and after exchange a few more pleasantries I trudged back home with Julia. She said the apocalypse had to be coming and I tried to remind her: "God let your people wander in the desert for forty years...we can hang on for four more years...or ten more presidential terms..." Then I went back to the apartment to cry with Sharifa. I really wanted to break something. My online conversations were tragic, and I sincerely regretted giving Humza from NCSC the Best Delegate award when he told me he voted Republican. The wound inside is very deep as I keep seeing Rehnquist on his death bed, Congress all red...no more Colin Powell...and North Korea just festering. The pain was also tempered by embarassment, and then rage. This is such a good country, why did we elect a retard? Why did we willingly condone the unjust death of millions, even our own boys, and why do we approve of the loss of all our rights as Americans? Why are we cowed by fear, what is wrong with the Democrats, what is wrong with this country?! It's like there are two societies coexisting here, with increasingly diverging worldviews and little in common anymore. When analysts reported that MORALITY seemed to be the top issue of this election, I was flabbergasted. I don't understand...what does gay marriage have to do with homelessness or health insurance or social security reform?

The Republicans are such dirty people. They are the ones who distributed pamphlets in Oklahoma claiming that Kerry was going to ban the Bible if elected...earlier they told voters in South Carolina that John McCain had fathered a black boy when in fact he had adopted a Bengali child...they threw shit on Clinton's face for a sex scandal, and had the gall to defend a clear and decisive lie to the American people that KILLED people. When Clinton lied, people didn't die. And then all of these theatrics--"Swift Boat Veterans for Truth," Rudy Giuliani foaming at the mouth, and Nader shaving away that key one or two percent as Republicans funded the initiative to put him on the ballot. That's like the evangelists teaming up with the likes of AIPAC. What a sick, sick people. Fuck Asma Gull Hassan. Fuck O'Reilly. Fuck all of you who can only see as far as your own tax return, your supposed "morality." YOU are the reason 9/11 happened. YOU are the reason 18 year old boys are dying in Iraq, and 16 year old blow themselves up in Tel Aviv. YOU are the root causes for the deaths of Matthew Shephard and little kids in Beslan. I cannot be gracious or even rational in the face of such idiocy and simplicity. And most of all, FUCK THE BRITS. YOU ASSHOLES VOTED IN TONY BLAIR AND THEN HEMMED AND HAWED OVER OUR OWN ELECTIONS. YOU TOOLS. FUCK THE DEMOCRATS.

There are a lot of pissed off people walking around today. I look at my friends in class and we just look away, the pain is so deep. I lost my voting flower to the Democrats and they threw it away. I feel like a woman scorned. And the overwhelming need for sleep, to sleep and make this all go away. Let me be like the Ahl Al Kahf and surrender to slumber for another century, or at least another four years, where God protects me for being a true believer, so that when I wake up the whole world will have finally come around to see what I already envision, and everyone converts to liberal moderation. Or libertarianism.

And don't fucking try to "discuss" or "debate" this with me. Just let me have my rage for now. I hate everyone so much right now.